18

My dear friend,

Kati Turner gave me this blank card to use for my own purposes several months ago, but I keep thinking it's too wonderful for me to mess up by writing something silly on it. But I don't think anything is too wonderful for you, so maybe if I send it to you it will be okay even though I will probably mess it up.

I'm feeling very sentimental tonight. I feel familiar, like I did when I was 18. I've been rereading my own journals and realizing how silly I was, how 18 is actually so different from 22. Well I read an old love letter and felt like I never realized how beautiful it was until tonight, 4 years later... I read it and remembered the girl that the 18 year old boy had written this letter to, how she was aloof and joyful and full of love, but also full of freedom. And I remembered what she thought of the letter when she got it; it was nice. She thought this boy was very passionate and liked him very much and appreciated that he tried to be poetic for her. But tonight I read it, and I am 22 now, I realized, whereas I only had half an idea before, that I had once been loved by a boy the way boys love girls in the movies. And it was so beautiful and nice to know that.

I had an idea come to mind like our imaginary, other-realm hill. It went like this: Do you remember when we were 18 and we spread what we thought were our wings and flew up into what we thought was the sky, ran straight into each other and fell back down again into what we thought was love? I do, and it was so wonderful.

And it all just makes me think, does it even matter if those things were real? Maybe it only matters that I  believed they were. Maybe believing is what makes life beautiful...

You are sorely missed,
Bee

An 18 year-old promise is worth a 22 year-old maybe.