The FEELING is back.

so it started like this

i was sitting in institute. listening.

and i felt in me an urge to hug someone.

my insides were urging me to do that

but my insides always ask me to do things

"strange things"

so I put this idea in the pocket with those ideas

to be considered later

but the pocket never gets emptied

i didn't even realize that i was banishing every lovely notion that crossed over me

UNTIL

a guy from institute thought i looked sad or something i guess (i think because i didn't sleep much last night...studying) and he asked me via text if i was ok and everything

but when everyone was mingling after institute he just came up to me and gave me a spontaneous bear, soul-purging hug

so this hug pretty much earned the release of one of the "nudgings" i put away and suppressed.

and i remembered the feeling

that comes with release

and inside me all the walls came down

it's weird that I didn't even realize that i hadn't felt close to myself for like 2 months

for the first time, in college, in this somewhat displaced atmosphere of always doing, always rushing, always new...

i came out of it all.

and i feel like i can never be lost again.

and i don't care about the "sanity of my classmates" anymore. there's no more "that's too over-the-top for these people, brittany, cool it"

that's rubbish- their sanity.

And I love them, them and their rubbish, if they must have it

but now i want for them to have THIS

THIS:

a sort of abandonment

not mine, necessarily. but their own.

as long as unpolluted love is incorporated, i think that's the only general rule

And that's all.

I became a slave to my HEART again.

When reckless adventure and unpolluted love merge. I feel like opening my arms wide, to show the world my wingspan and feel the world replying to me: "The world is infinite, as long as you can hold onto this feeling." All I am is what I feel, and tonight... I feel exquisite.